When Is A Good Time To Start Dating After Your Spouse Has Died?
My farther died Jan ‘07 and my mother has just started dating another man who’s wife recently died 6 months ago. I do not like the idea that she is seeing someone. I feel like my father doesn’t matter anymore.
I just have to get used to the idea no matter how I feel because she is so much happier as a person and will do whatever she chooses.
But I would like to know what you think. After a spouse has left this world, when is a ‘good’ time to start dating?
July 17th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
My husband’s first wife died of cancer. We started dating 1 month after her death(I didn’t know her and I barely knew him before we started dating). We got married about 3-4 months after we started dating. I know it sounds bad but nothing about our situation was bad and 4 years and 2 more kids later we are still together.
People have to move on, some just do it faster than others. Your mom has an obvious connection to this man, but she’ll also always have a connection to your father(who she probably sees in you).
Just keep supporting your mom and be happy for her if she is happy now.
July 17th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
Could be anytime. I am not speaking for your mother because 1 year is considered to be appropriate but in the man’s case, how do you know what type of relationship he had with his ex-wife. My Mom and Dad were married for close to 30 years but hated each other and only stayed together for religous purposes. My Dad started dating almost immediately and I had never seen him happier, I dont know that my Mom wouldnt have done the same….
It’s nice you worry about your Mom but she is a grown woman, let her be happy.
July 17th, 2009 at 6:30 pm
First of all, don’t ever doubt that your father matters to your mom. I know that not a day goes by that she is not thinking of him. But that being said, she has to continue to live because she is still here. She can’t be alone and mourn for him forever. And if he truly loved her too then he would not want her to. He would want her to be happy. And I assure you, her even considering dating again was the hardest thing for her next to losing your dad. Part of her may even still feel guilty. But she shouldn’t. Try to be happy for her and understanding. Find ways that you can remember your dad to help the grief that you are obviously still very much experiencing. Best of luck to you.
July 17th, 2009 at 10:11 pm
They women can take being alone better than a man so a year for a woman is about right, 6 months probably about right for a man. I think its up to each individual on when they are ready though. I know it must be hard for you because I cant imagine either one of my parents “dating”. Good luck to you.
July 18th, 2009 at 3:39 am
I’m 49, to date myself. I think that I understand how you feel about your mother dating. But she waited two years, don’t begrudge her some happiness. She’s been lonely.
July 18th, 2009 at 4:32 am
whenever the widow is ready